“An Achilles’ heel is a deadly weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.” (wikipedia)
Have you found your achilles’ heel? I found mine. Once you hit this certain part of me, you’ll see me fall down no matter how strong I am. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of Greek mythology. I only have one God in three persons whom I believe in.. God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. But whether Achilles did exist or not, I could relate to his defeat. Achilles in his invulnerability, had this one spot of vulnerability. And so am I. After experiencing victory, the enemy just found the right spot to hit me.. a spot that could possibly bring me to my downfall. In my humanity, no matter how strong I may be, I know that I am still vulnerable. And once you caught me off-guard, you’ll find me hiding inside my shell. I know that most people can relate to me. No matter how strong a person my seem to be, at some point in their life, there would still be certain things that can make them weak and cause them to fall.
Right now, my spirit is still crushed and my heart is broken. I still haven’t gotten my strength to get back up again. I found myself crying in despair in this dark room. I can’t even make a single step to get out of it. After stepping in obedience, I found myself asking God what else could have I done wrong to be in this place. I’m wandering inside my soul trying search where I had missed the mark again. What is it this time? Why did He allow the enemy to hit me on my heel if He knows I will be defeated? What else am I supposed to do? How long should I stay in this dark room of my overwhelming emotions? Am I lost again? Did I make a wrong turn when I was trying to walk in obedience to His voice?
But with all these questions and struggles that I have, who told you I already lose hope? I may be one of the people who would ask a lot of questions in the midst of my faith, lament whenever I’m confused, mourn whenever I’m hurt, but never will I lose hope. Despite all the confusions that I have in my chaotic mind, I still have God’s word running through my head, haunting me day and night..
“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young man stumble and fall. But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” -Isaiah 40:30-31
The only difference between me and Achilles is that after he got hit in his heel, he died.. but I didn’t. I’m still alive and I still have the life of Christ living within me. I’m still hoping for God to give me the strength to stand from this fall and shield the fiery arrows from hitting my heel. Yes, I am crushed in spirit and my heart is broken but.. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
And yes, this is the way I lament before my God. I cry out, I complain, I have my tantrums, but never will I doubt that God will save me from my circumstances. And just because I cry my heart out, it doesn’t mean that I am mad at God or I would live in rebellion against Him. I can never do that. I’ve experienced trying to turn my back away from Him before by sinning and it was one of the worst place I’ve ever been. I know that in times of trouble, God is the only one who could help me, so why rebel against Him? And though I know He won’t always take me out of my circumstances, I’m sure that He’ll be with me in and through it. And as His child, I know He knows me.. He knows how I cry my heart out.. He knows how I complain.. He knows how I talk to myself when I feel down.. He knows my flaws.. my strengths.. my weaknesses.. He knows me and I know He loves me for who I am.
I am still in the dark, but I have His light shining inside me. And I know that darkness can never extinguished His light. I know I’ll soon discover His treasures hidden in the darkness. I know He’s trying to reveal something that I could only discover in the dark corners of my life. So for now, just let me cry my heart out. In time I know His strength will be made perfect in my weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9).
And despite all these lamentations and hardship, I thank God for giving me an achilles’ heel to remind me that I’m still in my humanity, and apart from Him, I can do nothing. He’s my only source of strength. And now He just reminded me that, “..when I’m weak, He is strong”. (2 Corinthians 12:10)
