Yesterday I watched X-men with some of my great friends at Forest Hills. Now that I think about it, it wasn’t a coincidence that God allowed us to watch that movie. We actually struggled before we were able to make it on that 4:40 movie ticket, but thank God we did. Ok, so it’s x-men, what’s the big deal? I’m not even a marvel fan. But I’ve learned something really important from that movie. I’ve been asking God to speak to me and I just realized He actually screamed at me using that movie. I just heard His echo today.
It was a movie about Charles Xavier (aka Professor X) and Erik Lensherr (aka Magneto). I used to watch X-men when I was a kid but I never really knew the story behind Professor X and Magneto’s beef. I never knew that these two, who were archenemies used to be “best friends” despite the fact that they are really different. And one of their differences that caught me right now is the difference between living in pain and anger and living in tranquility. Erik, having his mother killed by Shaw, lived in pain and anger, knowing nothing but to avenge his mother’s death. When Erik met Charles, Charles showed him the difference between unleashing his power through anger and unleashing his power through tranquility and the difference between remembering the agonies of his past and remembering his good memories. I can never forget this simple line that Charles told Erik, “Revenge won’t give you peace.” Though in the end, Charles wasn’t able to stop Erik from killing Shaw.
Revenge won’t give you peace. Bitterness and anger won’t either. Neither remembering your past mistakes nor remembering those people who wronged you. I am very certain that in reality, everybody’s going through something. Everybody’s been hurt by somebody. Everybody is wounded. Some people are just better in hiding their scars than others. Either way, I can’t blame anybody if they react badly because of their situation. I don’t have the right to judge people on why they act a certain way because of their circumstances. People respond based on their own perspective in life. But I also learned the fact that whether we act or react because of our past hurt and experiences or our present situation, we are also the ones who are going to pay the consequences of either of our actions or our reactions. We may blame others for it but we are the ones who are really going to suffer from it.
This is what Charles Swindoll said about attitude :
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.
Before I watched this movie, I was on the verge of letting my anger eat me. The only thing that was rewinding inside my head was those shattering and painful words that devastated me few days ago. I don’t want to forgive anymore. I thought that anger could be my only wall from stopping the same person from hurting me. But I failed to see that those walls also had the power to isolate me. And the only person who will suffer from this is not the person who hurt me, but ME.
This morning, I remembered one line from my book, His princess (by Sheri Rose Shepherd).. “give those people you love the freedom to fail”. I searched for the book hoping to find the exact page where I read that line. When I browsed the table of contents, I saw the title, “You are free to love”. Amazingly, when I flipped to that page, this is what I read..
You are free to Love
My Princess,
I have set you free to love others, so don't let people who have caused you pain paralyze you from experiencing the joys of love. I know there is always a risk when you give a piece of your heart away, but I've created you to enjoy the gift of special friendships. Choose wisely the ones that you invest your time and energy in, and also give those you love the freedom to fail. Remember that no one will love you as perfectly as I do. If you let Me take the disappointments that come with relationships, you will be free to give and receive love unconditionally. Remember, My Princess, most people need love the most when they deserve it the least.
Love,
Your King who is Love.. Jesus Christ
"Most of all continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins." - 1Peter 4:8
Yes, I was on the right page. This is the page that I am looking for. I am amazed to see that my first guess was right. And this verse on that page, 1 Peter 4:8, was the same verse that keeps on screaming at me during that time when I was on the verge of hatred. God had already been speaking to me.. it’s just that, I’m not listening.
Most of the time, we thought that we give the people we love the freedom to fail. But the truth is, we only give them a room to mourn for their mistakes. If we never forgave them, then we never really gave them a room for failure. And we are only torturing ourselves from denying the fact that people are not perfect. No matter how much we try to avoid it, people hurting us is inevitable. And ironically, the people who had the most power to hurt us, are the people who are closest to us and the people whom we loved the most. It’s hard to forgive. It’s never easy. But the truth is, in this life, those that are worthy are never easy.
I remember posting this page, You are free to love, on my notes in facebook few years ago so I searched for it. At the bottom of this sweet letter I read what I wrote back then :
(October 29, 2009)
Yeah, God's voice is so loud and powerful that once you hear it, you can't help but check yourself.. so here's my..
OWN LIFE APPLICATION
My verses for MYSELF today :
1. "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23;
2. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. -Colossians 3:13
These past few months, I keep on trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. What’s preventing me from experiencing God’s presence in my life? I don’t want to pretend as if everything’s alright with my walk with Him when I know deep inside my heart that there is something wrong. I thought everything’s going to be alright since I already gave up the love of my life.. my only Isaac that I kept from God for more than a year. I thought that finally, I could get my heart right with God. Still, I’m not peaceful. Something’s missing.. something’s wrong. Then I realized that it's just one of the layers of myself that God had taken away. I still have more to deal with. And I got my answer this morning.. “Because you don’t know how to forgive”. Unintentionally, I have imprisoned myself in the spirit of unforgiveness from a lot of people. And I mean “people” not “person”.
God spoke to my heart today that I have overlooked having an unforgiving heart. It is something that I have to leave at the foot of the cross for I can’t go on walking with my spiritual walk with it. It will be like a set of chainball preventing me from placing one foot ahead of the other.
When God told me "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." Proverbs 4:23
He lead me to James 3:9-12.
“With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. “Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.”
I thought I've already set myself free from an unforgiving spirit but I saw that I haven’t for I never even acknowledged having it before God. I know it is only by His grace that I can truly forgive the unforgivable and love the unlovable. Through certain circumstances, God slowly revealed what I have inside my heart through the words of my mouth.
“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matthew 12:34 NKJV
“For whatever is in your heart determines what you say.” Matthew 12:34 NLT
No matter how hard I try to keep my mouth from speaking words that are not life, there were just those times that I can’t control myself. It eventually flows naturally from the inside out. And that’s when I learn that I have to deal with my heart, not with my mouth. If grudge is in my heart, no good words will come out of my mouth. It may be easy to speak life to people I get along with but it’s very hard to speak life to people that I really despise. Then, I was reminded of Jesus word..
“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. - Matthew 5:43-46
”Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
-1 Peter 4:8
And to be honest with myself, this is not easy to do. It’s easier said than done. I have a hard time doing it. And I even found out that the hardest people to forgive are those who really deserve it. But I do believe in my heart that even if it is the hardest thing to do, nothing is impossible with God (Matt 19:26; Mark 10:27)..
It’s time for me to stop pretending that I’ve already forgiven others. I admit that I have kept anger and unforgiveness as my only means of self-defense. I thought that it would keep me in a place where I could prevent others from hurting me any longer. I thought it could build a wall to keep people from abusing me. But I realized that it only caused my past hurts to haunt me and it kept me from growing spiritually. Indeed it built a wall around me, but it was a dark room where I'm kept from being free. It affects everything I do and say. I can’t have the right attitude and right response in a lot of situations because I can’t get my heart right. And now, I don’t want my unforgiving heart to hinder my relationship with God. I want to learn how to forgive and not simply forgive for the sake of it. I can fool everyone but I cannot fool God. For God says in Jeremiah 17:10
“But I, the LORD, search all hearts
and examine secret motives.
I give all people their due rewards,
according to what their actions deserve.”
I need God to help me and show me how to truly and sincerely forgive. Forgive whether they were asking for it or not. May God break my hard heart and take my pride away.. for God says..
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." James 4:6
My prayer was for God to teach me how to forgive. I wanted to learn how to forgive. And I will never learn how to forgive unless I am in a situation where I need to practice it. I wrote this last 2009. Till now, I am still a novice in forgiving. At least I am convinced that I failed better. Right now, I have to admit that I may be able to forgive people, but I do not have the courage and power to reconcile with all of them. However, I would take one of the definitions of forgiveness that I learned this year. I forgot if I read this or I heard this from one speaker, “Forgiveness is being in a position of having the power to hurt someone who hurt you, but you choose not to” (paraphrase). And like what Charles said, “Revenge won’t give you peace.”
There’s this one specific person that I have inside my head right now. I forgave him. Together with that, I have forgiven myself. And I choose to forgive because I wanted to be free. I don’t want this chains to bind me. If ever he’ll come to that place of enlightenment and true forgiveness, I’m just here, waiting for him to talk to me. And reading this note that I wrote 2 years ago, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been on the same place before. There’s only one thing that I’m praying for… that he would also learn how to give the people he love, “the freedom to fail”.
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